So the internet is getting so involved that little kids are trying to spark up a little viral madness. 'LnAmovies' claims to be a director, and that's true, I guess, only in the sense that he's directing humanity to the doom pile.
Alright, this tickles my funny stomach. But he's on a mission to be weird, which defeats the whole purpose of embracing the weirdness of the Webz. So let's just say that I hope this kid gets a raging case of internet herpes, because that's what you deserve when you rape the info superhighway.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Male Toenails Will Doom Us...
...by stabbing us in the collective face. Don't ask how I found these.
My nightmares now have fuel for the rest of my life. Which won't be too much longer. Because I'm going to get shivved in the gut by a pinkie toe.
Help me, please. I'm scurred.
My nightmares now have fuel for the rest of my life. Which won't be too much longer. Because I'm going to get shivved in the gut by a pinkie toe.
Help me, please. I'm scurred.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tragic Celebrity Deaths Will Doom Us
I know everyone is still crying their eyes out about MJ dying-and I know he was like the greatest basketball player ever and stuff, but it's been two days-but, BILLY MAYS JUST DIED.
This bums me out. Who will sell us things? But in all seriousness, I'm sure all of America will be mourning this unsolved death. And who is next? Mays is the fourth celebrity to go in a week, and clearly the most important one. Tomorrow, I better be seeing Al Roker on TV or I'm going to go into emotional hiding. Let's all remember this wonderful man.
This bums me out. Who will sell us things? But in all seriousness, I'm sure all of America will be mourning this unsolved death. And who is next? Mays is the fourth celebrity to go in a week, and clearly the most important one. Tomorrow, I better be seeing Al Roker on TV or I'm going to go into emotional hiding. Let's all remember this wonderful man.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Snickers Will Doom Us
Look what the consumption of Snickers has done to this poor old man.
Snickers should just use this as a commercial, so they can promote both their wonderfully sweet candy bars and a healthier lifestyle by showing what eating a Snickers a day can do to you. This guy, Ted Pillman, is pretty new to the web, but already has scores of video evidence of his Snickers addiction. Now, even though he's never shown eating another Snickers, I must assume that it's the reason for his current awesomeness/creepiness.
Watch everything there is of him. Let's do what we can as Americans to make sure he's the next President of the U.S.A., or at least the next Mayor of Harrisburg.
Snickers should just use this as a commercial, so they can promote both their wonderfully sweet candy bars and a healthier lifestyle by showing what eating a Snickers a day can do to you. This guy, Ted Pillman, is pretty new to the web, but already has scores of video evidence of his Snickers addiction. Now, even though he's never shown eating another Snickers, I must assume that it's the reason for his current awesomeness/creepiness.
Watch everything there is of him. Let's do what we can as Americans to make sure he's the next President of the U.S.A., or at least the next Mayor of Harrisburg.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Ed Hardy Will Doom Us
If you wear Ed Hardy clothing, you would look a lot better if you just walked around naked.
I never knew that so many celebrities lacked any basic knowledge of fashion. Seriously Chris Rock, just put on some muddy overalls and dung-stained work boots and hold the shovel used to scrape cow poop off the barn floor and you'll reek of way less shit.
I bet these kids push the nerds off the monkey bars at recess:
Puffy: "Ed, you a force of nature, baby." Diddy doesn't even know the designer guy's real name! What a fan. I bet they're real tight. But a force of nature! I mean, he is up there with tornadoes and 2012 in terms of how much they will all doom us.
Nature's force!:
I never knew that so many celebrities lacked any basic knowledge of fashion. Seriously Chris Rock, just put on some muddy overalls and dung-stained work boots and hold the shovel used to scrape cow poop off the barn floor and you'll reek of way less shit.
I bet these kids push the nerds off the monkey bars at recess:
Puffy: "Ed, you a force of nature, baby." Diddy doesn't even know the designer guy's real name! What a fan. I bet they're real tight. But a force of nature! I mean, he is up there with tornadoes and 2012 in terms of how much they will all doom us.
Nature's force!:
Sunday, May 10, 2009
JJ Abrams' Past Will Doom Us
Being such a huge fan of Lost and the trailer for Star Trek, I innocently decided I would do a little research into the first couple projects by JJ Abrams. To my horror, I found out that Mr. Abrams once co-wrote this:
I feel like I need a shower. This is just wrong.
Also, his little profile bio on Wikipedia mentions nothing of this film. It's like even websites are trying to act as if it never happened.
WWDFD? What Would Daniel Faraday Do? If he were to do a time jump back to 1997 LA, he'd probably shrug his shoulders and say that whatever happened, happened, so there's no use in trying to stop JJ's hand from typing words that will come out of Joe Pesci's mouth. But then Jack would be there and he'd be all, "If we stop him from writing this script then he won't become successful and he'll never write Lost and we'll never crash on the island and we'll all be okay."
And then Faraday will be like, "But we're only characters! We'll never exist!" And he'll try to kill Jack before Jack can kill JJ, but JJ will see it coming and he'll immediately start writing Lost and make Eloise jump out from a corner and shoot Daniel and Jack.
Goddam Sayid, cool it. As long as Gone Fishin' gets made, you can still shoot boy Ben.
I feel like I need a shower. This is just wrong.Also, his little profile bio on Wikipedia mentions nothing of this film. It's like even websites are trying to act as if it never happened.
WWDFD? What Would Daniel Faraday Do? If he were to do a time jump back to 1997 LA, he'd probably shrug his shoulders and say that whatever happened, happened, so there's no use in trying to stop JJ's hand from typing words that will come out of Joe Pesci's mouth. But then Jack would be there and he'd be all, "If we stop him from writing this script then he won't become successful and he'll never write Lost and we'll never crash on the island and we'll all be okay."
And then Faraday will be like, "But we're only characters! We'll never exist!" And he'll try to kill Jack before Jack can kill JJ, but JJ will see it coming and he'll immediately start writing Lost and make Eloise jump out from a corner and shoot Daniel and Jack.
Goddam Sayid, cool it. As long as Gone Fishin' gets made, you can still shoot boy Ben.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Nic Cage's Stunt Double Will Doom Us
So Nic Cage is filming and starring in The Sorcerer's Apprentice, a brand new version of that one part in Fantasia where Mickey brings a bunch of brooms to life(it's been a while since I've seen it). In this new update, apparently wizards can teleport and make brooms dance and build bridges made out of branches across the Atlantic-trust me-but they can't get that driving thing down pat:
That guy was supposed to be Nic's double? He looks more like a cross between nineties Ben Stiller and Mark McGrath. But seriously, they should use that shitty cell phone footage in the actual film and turn the sorcerer into a raging drunk.
That guy was supposed to be Nic's double? He looks more like a cross between nineties Ben Stiller and Mark McGrath. But seriously, they should use that shitty cell phone footage in the actual film and turn the sorcerer into a raging drunk.
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